How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
