she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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