You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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