what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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