I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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