ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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