Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
