I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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