he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
