the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
