I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
