Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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