I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
