Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
