Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
