I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
