Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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