My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
