Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
