I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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