the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
