she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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