I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am one with the molecules
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
