but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
