Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
