If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
