y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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