there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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