i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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