aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
