i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
