I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
