I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So much rum. So many feels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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