The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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