It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
last night I used snow as a chaser
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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