Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
