I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this will be a night to untag.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
