I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
