just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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