Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
