a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
