If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
