Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just pee around me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
