she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
