i just wanna soil my oats bro
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
