his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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