you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
