cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
