Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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