4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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