oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
