Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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