You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
