Whod you bang
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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