I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
