its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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