ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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