I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
