fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
