What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
