Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
