Are we in a gay sports bar?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize