i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
