So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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