I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
