At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
