They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He kissed a someone with a penis
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
