I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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