I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
