***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
