I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she pinky promised me she was 18
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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