Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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