I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize