My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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