woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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