Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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