At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
