i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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