Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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