1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
