3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
