she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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