I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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