Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
