walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
