when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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