just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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