i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
