at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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