I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i think my cat just said my name.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
false alarm, still single
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