did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
