I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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