I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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