I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
