Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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