you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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