masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize