Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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