Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
