Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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