I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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