is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
