I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
