I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
