Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
