there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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