Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
