At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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