youre lurking in front of me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
