She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
