Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
