do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
