Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
