Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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