I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
