My first STD was from a foam party
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
