i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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