My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
