I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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