Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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