I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He kissed a someone with a penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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