today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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